I'm just going outside, I may be 5 weeks

Day 6, in Milan. I have just discovered watching Hulk Hogan's MTV show in Italian with a pizza lined gut makes you really feel like fighting the teenage mutant ninga turtles. Thus I have locked myself in a room to write a blog to avoid trouble. Just like Helen Clarke.

We have already clocked up 1300 miles. London to Paris on Saturday. The cab bounced around that crazy Paris round-about like a fly in a jar. We then had a couple of days in rural France at Fez's house. Took my rod and my fishing rod down to the river but no trout. We BBQ'ed ourselves and meat in the sun. We considered throwing away the keys, moving to France and pretending we were drove to Mongolia. However we decided we'd just caught French and were already surrendering. What would Charlie Boorman say?

A long day south to Avignon, which, like my birth city Hamilton, has a river. Unlike Hamilton it has some sweet, sweet medieval walls, perfect for defending Zombie attacks. Crap hostel room made worse by nagging bald man who, between him and his army of bed bugs, led me to howl at the moon.

Down the coast to Nice via Cannes. Plenty of boobs on the beach. My pale, pointy, hairy ones, in my opinion, added to the romance of the place. John's freckly ones blended into the sand.

Then Monte Carlo. Due to the credit crunch, gambling was similar to soccer mum's being left alone in a hotel during a husbands conference - addicted though pitiful. Ended 40 euros up. The cab didn't fare so well drag racing the ferrais at the lights though its amazing turning circle (the car can turn like a nipple) meant we handled the hair-pin corner with ease. I felt like Lewis Hamilton driving a wheel-chair.

Cab wise, minor leak in the radiator. It likes to binge drink on oil, but who doesn't? Conditions aren't easy. Its hot. And we drove it up the Dolomite's today, yet she seems to be behaving. Some times she even over takes other cars. She wanted to run over some police officers wearing shorts and driving Segways in Nice - we all did - but she showed massive restraint. A dream girl, really.

Hope all is well. This counts as an email.
D-Rex